Title: Beach Jouvert
Concept: Soca Paint Fest
Promoters: Abe Baracatt & Co.
Cost: $1,000 pre-sold / $1,500 at gate
Venue: James Bond Beach
Date: Saturday, April 14th, 2001

BEACH JOUVERT - WHY SOCA SUCKS!!!
3 CHICKS, 1 PARTY, 3 OPINIONS

Mic: How did Fyah talk us into going to this thing?!
Tru: Yow Trus mi!!
Fyah: My ting is, i just wanted some female bonding, we hardly go out as a group yow.
Mic: Well maybe if you wasn't jet settin' around Europe Fire Wire
Fyah: F@*k you Mic

Tru: So I thought I was going to die. My mood literally fell when we entered that over priced shitty ass party!
Mic: Nuh man yuh cyann seh dat Tru... That's terrible! It was a good party... we just don't like soca
Fyah: Yow why u being so P.C.? What about that party was good, apart from the fact that the curry goat was good and the service at the bar was quick?
Tru: Yeah whatever! I had to fight to get niggaz hands off my ass to get a drink! Why do men think that speaking to a girl in a state of drunkeness is appealing?
Fyah: Fi real... and then comes the ARROGANCE!
Mic: But if you speak to a drunk guy while you're in a state of drunkeness you can tell him to f@*k off... STRAIGHT!!!

Fyah: I don't think even alcohol coulda change my vibe at that party. And it DID NOT help when the paint came out. This nigga punk..
Tru: punk nigga
Fyah: No, NIGGA PUNK, cuz he was a nigga punk... comes running up to me or at least in my direction with a bucket of paint all cheery and laughing! I just give him di look... he knew... and ran past me to find an easier target! I managed to walk through the crowd in full white capris without a spot of paint on 'em.

Mic: I am still diggin paint outta my toenails... after my breddrin smeared paint all over my face I decided to let loose and enjoy myself.
Tru: That's the spirit! (sarcasm) Well as soon as I saw those mutha f@*kas run out with those buckets filled with some curry colour yellow paint... (Fyah: FI REAL)... I mosied on down to the beach to chill on one of the benches
Fyah: No B it was a shack. You found a f@*king house, a one bedroom to chill for the rest of the day to rahtid!
Mic: That's why I couldn't find you bitches. I was walking around with a hand full of paint trying to look for you all
Fyah: I glad yuh wash off yuself before yuh come inna mi cyar. Caw trus mi it would not be pretty...

Tru: Bwoy mi vibes did bruk iya. I can't believe that you have to be (well I have to be) completely intoxicated (Fyah: smashed, Mic: shit faced -in unison) to enjoy soca music.
Fyah: And the thing was for a while I thought the people were having fun until I noticed that they had to have some man telling them what to do in the crowd.. "Jump to di left... jump to the right.. wine yuh butt!"... Wah di rass dat man?!
Mic: Well I have to admit that I was scared when I saw the whole crowd 'Running a Mile' towards me...
Fyah: If they were running a mile dem woulda be inna Ochi by now! And that would have been a good ting! Beats the traffic.

Tru: Alright cool...so what did the general populace think though?
Fyah: I asked some ladies in the EVERLASTING bathroom line if they were having a good time and dem seh that the tickets that were sold out in Kingston was a ploy on the part of the promoters so yuh coulda spend di $1500 at the gate

Mic: Hol' up hol' up!! Abe straight up always throws the wickedest bashments because of the overall set up is always top notch...
Tru: Ok mi nah knock him fi dat
Mic: But the reason I gave into going is because Abe was on "ER" saying that Sparkles was going to be playing all types of music!
Fyah: Really? After the band came off? MUS' DAT!

Mic: Yuh see when we get Capleton and Kolongi on Whaddat (snicker) I am going to ask them what they think about their shit being remixed to soca
Tru: Yow... di man dem suppoosed to wrench fi dat still! Consciousness inna soca?...NAW STILL!

Mic: Well I am glad that Mr.Ammar let us put up the banner cuz I actually spent the whole day drinking vodka and admiring it.
Fyah: And what a pretty banner it is! *sigh*
Tru: Fi real! I was quite proud when people were asking me about the banner...It did look tough!

Fyah: Sorry to hit this but what about those two slackas that looked like they were bangin right there in front of everybody in broad daylight?!
Mic: It's that evil soca music I tell you! It's the devil's spawn!
Tru: Yow di oooman neva look a day under 60 star!!! Si mi mout' yah... pon di ground!!! Big and sour!! Not to mention her big belly winin' partner!!! If that was my mother I woulda hol' har and beat her right deh so!

Fyah: Is not the age or the size 'caw everyone can enjoy it, but there is a limit, especially when you have children walking around. These are the same people who will siddung and call us nasty for winin' up inna dancehall where no kids are
Mic: But even all the pickney dem was was gettin on bad
Tru: Fiyah fi dem ting deh...Nastiness!! (laughs)

Mic: Fi real, the party though... Well I had fun
Fyah: You were smashed. If you can name ten things that you enjoyed den you have an argument
Mic: Lemme think.....the vodka, the vodka....I was dancing too. The paint was fun. Hmmmm... (thinking)...
Tru: I rest my case

Fyah: No more soca parties. We're sorry if we hurt anyone's feeling in the process but it's nothing personal.
Mic: I know RATIO will be good... ABE...
Tru: No doubt... That is always the shit!
Fyah: Yeah man it wicked , it's one of the best parties, Ratio
Mic: Yeah when we get to that bridge we cross it
Tru: Seen

One! Peace! Likkle more!

NB :: Please don't hesitate to e-mail us with your thoughts on this event. If you feel offended by the views expressed above...please don't. We just don't like soca.